Flavored Crust? Leave My Pizza Bones Alone

Dear pizza restaurants: What have you got against dogs?

Why are pizza restaurants anti-dog?

It’s true that most humans don’t eat the crust ends of the pizza. But that’s because those pieces are supposed to go to the dog! I mean, duh! Why do you think they call them “Pizza Bones?”

So now it’s all about adding “flavor” to the crust by slathering garlic-and herb-flavored grease all over the ends. Or making a pretzel crust. Or dipping the ends in sauce.

Well cut it out, will ya?

Dem bones, dem bones, dem… pizza bones!

If the humans start eating the pizza bones, then what’ll us dogs do? Beg for bites of pepperoni? That spicy stuff isn’t good for our tummies. Neither is the marinara sauce. And PULEEZE don’t be feeding us onions or mushrooms! Those things can be poisonous for us!

Yes, I know pizza bones aren’t healthy for dogs. I get that. They aren’t healthy for humans either. The health benefit doesn’t improve when they’re stuffed with cheese.

So to Pizza Hut, Domino’s, Papa John’s, and all the rest, I speak on behalf of dogs everywhere when I say, LEAVE THE BONES ALONE!!!!

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Now, if you’re not gonna eat that, I’ll gladly take it off your hands.